Motivation Running Low

Welp, I definitely didn’t expect to arrive at this point. Motivation, inspiration, all of it… long gone when it comes to web work.

“Long gone” is probably a bit extreme. There’s a chance my feelings could be reversed in the right situation. But right now, shit… I’d rather do just about anything else than sit at my computer all day and jam keys.

I’m not sure if it’s the keys themselves or the reason behind the jamming. But I do know that it doesn’t excite me anymore. I’m pretty sure I know why, too.

I stopped learning. I didn’t stop because I wanted to. I stopped because what I learn doesn’t even matter if I have nowhere to apply it. I probably do, but because of how my days are spent, I feel like I don’t.

I cancelled my Treehouse account about a month ago. I only logged in maybe once every two months for the last six months or so. It was time to stop paying for it.

I have no passion projects. They require time and dedication. Sure, passion will cause you to squeeze in whatever time you can find even if it’s just an hour each week. But that’s not how I do passion. If I’m passionate about something, fuck everything else. That’s how I progress. I won’t nibble at my passions. That’s not passion for me. I don’t really care how others define passion.

People are annoying as fuck. No one pays attention to the world around them. They only understand their small, narrow view of things. They tug and pull nonstop. They move aimlessly throughout everyone else’s space with no consideration for what it does to others. They take nonstop. Giving is not only avoided, it’s regarded as something they shouldn’t even consider. I don’t want other people involved in my passions. They’re all over the place right now, though. I can’t open a [digital] window without someone asking me for something.

My ideal spot in this world is in the background doing meaningful shit anonymously. I’m not a front-facing kind of guy. If someone needs to shut the fuck up, I need to be able to tell him or her to shut the fuck up. If I can’t do that, not only am I left dealing with that person’s nonsense, I also have to deal with myself… fighting these internal demons. Before you know it, everything is bad.

It’d be cool if I could just change my views. Some of you probably think I should. But you don’t know my history. You don’t realize that damn near every one of my past accomplishment would be removed from the list if I was any other way.

The problem now, though, is that I am how I am but I am not in control of my daily activities. I don’t decide whether or not I’m in the background doing meaningful work. I have a boss. He decides that.

Does it make me want to go harder and get back to running my own shit? Yup. I don’t because I believe in what I do. I love the company and I am excited to be part of its growth.

So, yea… every single day… I struggle to deal with that cognitive dissonance. The shit sucks, to say the least. I don’t know what to do. So, I don’t want to do anything but drop it all. Web work is now officially annoying. I’d rather do risk assessment all day long with the goal of making smart financial investments. I’ll do that full-time someday. The web will go back to being something I do for fun.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I don’t have Twitter for venting anymore so I’m writing here. Time to get back to staring at this computer and not doing the shit I’m supposed to be doing.

I’ll find a way out of this misery, I’m sure. I always do.

Author: sdavis2702

I'm a simple guy. I like to code and I like to workout. I'm all about growth and just about everything else is nonsense in my book.

6 thoughts on “Motivation Running Low”

  1. Hey Sean, I think I know where you’re coming from with this.

    What makes me feel like shit whenever I’m working as an employee, is that I don’t get to take decisions on the things I want to do and the things I don’t want to do.

    I get to deal with co-workers from other departments who apparently their main goal in life is to not make the project progress by any means.

    Unfortunately, this is exactly the life of an employee.

    For me, the weekends, the jogging and sometimes the beers, actually make me be a bit more patient about it but it all comes back every god damn Monday.

    I know you’ll find a way around this very soon though.

    Take care man.

    1. Hang in there, chief. But definitely don’t ignore the signs. I know I’m not.

      I really like my job. There’s just one element of it that I fuckin hate and unfortunately, it dominates all of us… not just me. If I was going at it alone, I would be gone. But several of us have the same exact struggle. That’s what keeps be going. From the founder down to the newest part-time worker, same struggle.

      We work hard to fix the issue. It’s not progressing the way we expect it to, though. We’ll all keep trying, of course. But I definitely can’t see myself in the same exact spot 2 years from now. Something about the details will have to change. It may not be the main issue itself… but something. Something has to create more motivation.

  2. Let me say I have been using your Simple Course plug in for the last two years. However!!!! The FDA made me take my site down and I am revamping with a new site. As I am setting it up I looked for your plug in and saw it wasn’t being updates. Very disappointing. I have tried three others in the meantime but like yours the best of all. I am sorry I didn’t give you a five star review but you certainly deserve it. Would you consider a custom hire to bring it up to code for the lastest WP version? PLEASE? Feel free to contact me.

    1. Hi Rachel,

      Is there any particular reason why you think it needs an update? Did you have any errors or anything like that?

      I can certainly update it just to show that I have… I’ll do that anyway just to prevent anyone from worrying. But please do let me know if you are having any problems with it. As far as I can tell, everything is just fine with the latest version of WordPress.

      1. I hadn’t published yet so it looked like it wasn’t working. I did three posts today and it was fine. The site says though that it isn’t compatible with my version of WP. Looks good as usual.

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